Losing Myself

I talk to figures, to none
while I wander all alone
unclear intox-waves in my head
speak to a fragment
of my soul unknown.
The roads are clear-
on my way ahead
cluttered, with crowded matter
that run for better
while I'm still in quest
for beauties off it.

I draft stupid messages
to be reading all by myself
and hold the phone
close by my ears
waiting you to call;
the fragment the intox-waves
all till they fall
drive me to crazy lands
with sharp edges and vacant pleasures.

While the city screams and engine chugs
provide cover, I talk to you, read you stories
wishing you're by my side
to laugh at my jokes,
to deign to make love
till I fall asleep...
that part of my soul
clearly beyond my will
has tamed me tight
and I am losing myself.

I do things otherwise I wouldn't
I gettin weak a way I shouldn't
debauched into crazy trash
with nothing to gain
a fascimile of you -
stuck in my brain
predisposes it to unknown cancers
and replicating pain
smothering me and stretching me
to such lengths
I'm losing myself
I'm losing myself.

25th May, except for the 1st 3 hours and a slight afternoon drizzle, that did offer some respite from the scorching heat, nothing went right. Had a test the day next and I screwed up completely..improper question selection, bad time management and careless mistakes to say among the few.

26th - even -7:10. A visit to a Wonderland

Wanderlust and weather-beaten Chandan was in the rarest of moods and inveigled me and Rama for an outing to an arcane place (that was a surprise !).A volte-face change in our moods and off we went, delirious, with our victuals and THINGS bundled up, on his 100cc that was visibly grieved and screamed blue-murder having to lift 3 people worth 200 kg, me contributing the least.

After around 40 minutes of biking we were out of the city limits, to a place called Tankapani. It was dark. With beamers flashing on us, the monstrous and callous trucks went past us as if we never existed.

Finally we reached the place, though I could not figure out anything except for a giant Banyan tree. It was planted by Chandan around a decade ago and hence was a very special friend for Chandan (hence for all of us !).But, what else? We parked the bike and walked a few steps to an amazing land. We now realised we were actually on the river bed of Dayanadi.

A visibly endless stretch of grassy land, with the still and vast river by its side set in an amazing tranquility and darkness of the evening slightly lit up by the innumerable stars that embellished the night sky. Away from the cacophony of the city life, its quiet ambience ravished us. With no one around us, we felt as if we were in a completely different land that was so beautifully embraced in the myriad colourful elements of Mother Nature. Free and frenzied, a strange feeling of wilderness descended on us. Though the moon light was absent, a distant white light lit up a streak of the river with its tiny waves that emanated simplicity, humility and contentment in self that was so lacking in everyone of us.

History goes like this; the famous Battle of Kalinga was fought on the same river-bed that seemed so cosy to us now. The battle ensued such loss of human life and blood-shed that blood flowed and gave rise to a different branch of Mahanadi called Dayanadi. The Battle was such horrific, it changed King Ashoka from ChandaAshoka to DharmaAshoka. The history of the land augmented a special human touch to the entire place.

The whispering of the crickets and the sound of the swinging coconut tree leaves was purely rejuvenating. Meanwhile, the booze and smoke flowed and we were waffling and battering inconsequently. The place itself was so touching and meaningful, we didn't need to add any meaning to our talks ! The cool breeze that wafted the scent of the rain-kissed ground, was intoxicating and soothing to our frayed minds and bare bodies.

The soporific effect of the breeze and the perfect ambience all around was so tempting that we lied down. Romantic, isn’t it? Though there was some sort of romance between me and Rama, ‘off-the-wagon’ Chandan remained a happy spectator!! As we lay there on the grass, we could doodle any picture like Shahrukh could do in Swadesh, in the twinkling stars draped in the night sky. Such are the pleasures of nature that so ruthlessly desecrated by ever-wanting humans. We had lots of fun, and talked and laughed our hearts out.

As the night crept in, we realised that 'twas too late and left off. Our quest for some dinner till late night is another epic to tell. The entire experience was a memory to cherish for and till now I get a strange feeling of nostalgia about that wonderland.

Its once in a blue moon, that you get to spend such wonderful and jovial time with friends, hope and in perfect harmony with nature. You feel like being on Earth !!

Life's like a movie

Yet another goal,
'nother choice to make
When flowing still is such fun.
Why ther's always a
fukin' diversion..

flashbacks of old times
fun and crimes
moments of pride
moments of guilt
pop every now and then
Some make me laugh
Some bring me tears..

Cause when I look
at what I am now
I feel low-
could have been better
had I not
messed up below
Frustration and don-depression
are such fukin' villians
you know...

then a light breeze touches me
romance storms at their peak
set the drama right
"love is the clouds,
love is in the air,
love is down deep...(ha..)
love is everywhere.."
nice goody songs
with wet eyes and wine

Dates and roses,
'come objects to save
every rupee for
and dialogues cooky
an art for
.. every cover up.

Mother never knows
why son's so happy,
amidst such trouble
she thinks, and pesky
cute girls..

The ship hits the berg,
and countless emotions
- the life of a cruise
jump off in no time-
like panic-stricken crew;
All the while
the Captain's lookin shocked
remorse filled-
"Hold on ! ", he cries,
hits on a glass--
Ah ! the girl's away,
"Fuck the berg !!"

Will like a good friend,
in need.. indeed
advises not to
fall for stripper baits,
and look forward,
look higher
while he still stands
by me.

The myriad elements
of joy and action,
friends and foes
stare still
as Focus lends his hand
points me to glory
"Prepare for the war"
goads me to action
and the
war begins...

Dreams and hopes
my heroes come alive
take the cart with me
As the tiring race starts
cinematic it seems
cinematic it is.
With infinite carts to beat,
and no position-meter,
the suspense is
on a high and
the bet is irresistible.

The final laps
are crucial
so is the role of Focus.
He is awake and
so am I,
and
with nothin to fake
nothin to hide
Life is like a movie
Life is like a ride

Scenes and takes
actions and stakes
with all the fun
with all the joy
Yet one thing
I realise at every climax
there are no retakes
One shot hit or
miss and shit...

Dark dayz or
Green Miles.....
what lies ahead
the director wouldn't reveal
but with the
feeble autonomy at hand
I can veer it someway..
I must any way
How, what, when and where?
the script is locked
must wait and watch

What I can do all
is play the game cool
cause there's nothin to lose
while my heroes are alive
and they must never die..

And
with nothin to fake
nothin to hide
Life is like a movie
Life is like a ride
but the scenes being mine
and me the superstaR
't must be a hit
and for ages shine....

Dreams....

If God could help,
I would pray
to calm my
pounding heart
of imaginations and fantasy,
Wild and romantic
dreams,they promise
love of a figure
of mystic charm
and sophisticated
ornamentations.

Like orange in the mist,
colours of life
appear and fade fast
ofcourse, dreams they are
cunning enough-
to ring, shrink and vanish
before one can think,
gape and wonder
at the beauty of
such insane dreams.

Dreams, like
delicate classics to be
handled with care;
like dew drops shimmering,
shining on a nurtured leaf;
of rainbow colours
and abstract shapes
easy to limp at,
hard to decipher.

At times, like a
shuffled puzzle,
or a complex maze
they lure us to reckon
and make
a picture out of
the bijou pieces-
But how could one
be foolish enough
to ever let reason
the beauty of such mazes
unsolved spoil.

Like red wine and joy,
intoxicating they are;
of girls, cars and kisses,
fright, ghosts and chases;
songs and sex
actors and old friends,
exam scares and killing edges,
pets you never had,
acts you never dared,
past girlfriends and future lives-
-rare they are.
And of, blue, red,
black and white
chrome bright or carbon black,
kaleidoscopic jumbles
of things in life,
and of all things
I wouldn't
remember much.

They may drive you
crazy at times,
but I said-
'to be handled with care'
like glass warriors with sharp blades
coz dreams can
make you things achieve
dreams can
help you moments relive
lose a fortune
or gain a life ;
in grief be your solace
and your partner at gay.

But dreams are not
like 'pill at your will'
random creations-
they come afresh
sprinkle life into
cold hearts and stuffed brains
and
leave you craving
for 'nother one
to rain..


"Hold them fast , lest they fly away,
coz when dreams die....
we're just slaves of a despotic destiny...." - Priyabrata

early hours of Sat..I sat down to study for my vivas...I realized my mind was wandering elsewhere and I started scribbling about my dreams. As mentioned above, I always had weird dreams that made me wonder about them when I woke up and smile at their insanity.So, this poem is kinda based on my personal experiences. Dreams may differ from person to person. To some it may be wonderland sojourns and to some nightmares.... Newaz , I personally liked it very much.

Done being in love with you

When I was a child,
I was attracted to a girl,
Seemed like my first love,
serene and pristine -
like mountain snow;
I wished I had girlfriends
grew up without any..

When I grew up,
I fell for another.
She had the basic things right,
though we hardly talked,
except when we departed-
when she disappeared into
thin mist,
- lost in time.

Spreadin' my wings,
never did things affect me;
till 'nother bug bit me..
senior at prom,
diamond she looked;
devil-dressed blue angel,
I was scared to touch...

'twas like those 40 winks,
a fantasy sojourn to Neverland,
lustre lost, a memory gained,
plastic smiles,short clips;
things never got real-
till another svelte touch;

She was good,
not much a picture, chaotic;
raised a rumpus,
yet she was a fine,
ruby carmine;
confused catterpillar,
n'er turned a butterfly;
things jus happened,
like some divine patterns
bound to take shape,
love was blind, now I knew
the pain was real
she wasn't right
done being in love with her.

enough; there's none else
soul stripping catharsis,
the Truth is here,
hopes still alive
laugh not-
life's never picture perfect
The Day will arrive..
The Day will arrive.

PIRATE PRIDE AND A MAGICAL CASTLE

Again this is not a poem...read it as a song...get me a break. Well , this is yet another casual attempt to say; I wrote it during my AI class..


A cloud of heavy smoke,
fills the air around;
A light zephyr blows 'em away
Leaving me alone..wid my dreams.

1 {
What could possibly be the reason,
I want 'nother solution..
To escape - hide from my self,
illusive blurred dreams,
I want 'nother solution.
}

A half built castle blown by the storms,
the roots got arid..
how a tree would be born,
Screaming aloud -pride opposes
Nurtured it with my own hands,
And now it's threat-
to me; to my dreams and
my magical castles.

(1) repeat
{
What could possibly be the reason,
I want 'nother solution..
To escape - hide from my self,
illusive blurred dreams,
I want 'nother solution.
}

Chokin' drapin sheets- smothering me,
Bolted my brain, that I find it
hard to breathe..
the crew held hostage,
--some refuge of a wrecked ship;
by fuckin Pirate Pride
Pistols firing aloud ..
shiver my logic..

end{
Now, if I could puke it off
I could stand my reason,
and hence stand for myself..
and a myopic vision..
And my magical castles ..
watch 'em real alive......
watch 'em real alive...

Through this----

Well, this is my first attempt to write a Rap song actually since song lyrics and the way music gives it life have always inspired and amazed me. This is a rather casual attempt, written during my Operating Systems class. I must improve subsequently still I thought I could put it here..Any ways if you can get it recorded I will be more than happy(though I've thoughtof a music to it)..and yes u can ofcourse you can suggest an apt title.

If you could stare into my eyes,
its an ocean full of...
hopes, emotions, fear and pride;
Waves of ecstasy-troughs of cries.

And you could even get,
A glint of a threat,
a sort of frozen fire,
that burns me within-finding no escape;

1
{
Life was like a gleam,
of unfelt dreams,
Life has become hell,
too horrible to tell.

Tell me what you see,
When you stare into my eyes;
2(Treason, betrayal, love or shit),
Tell me what you get,
when you peep into my heart..
plundered of its toys..
plundered of silly joys..
hmm.....
}

If you could peep into my heart,
You could sense an uproar,
numbd by sweet poison-
hurt by pretention;
yet it beats for you-
yet it beats for you....

1
{
Life was like a gleam,
of unfelt dreams,
Life has become hell,
too horrible to tell.

Tell me what you see,
When you stare into my eyes;
2(Pain n love n a potrait of myself),
Tell me what you get,
when you peep into my heart..
plundered of its toys..
plundered of silly joys..
hmm.....
}

I won't be afraid,
for any cheap fuck,
and I won't be afraid,
for any cruel luck..
I shall lead my life
beyond my all desires;
I shall hold my ground..
Yet it shakes for you ..
Yet it shakes for you